What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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