I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
