I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ladies don't puke and tell
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
