At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
