Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Nicole vs. Life
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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