its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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