I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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