how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
