I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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