Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Randomize
