If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She told me I should be a condom model.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
