the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
