Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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