hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
