I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
