my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
