do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
