Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
