So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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