yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
