I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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