If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
