3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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