Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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