You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
