if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
