We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
