you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
