Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
