woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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