Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
