he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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