I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
