the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
