Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
