Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm jealous of your bromance
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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