Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
