actually, I'm a sock model
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
