Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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