I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
