Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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