loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
FUCK WHALES
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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