She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
