It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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