Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
