You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
