I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
