Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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