It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
