We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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