This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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