Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
