Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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