Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
