omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.