Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS