Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.