So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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