I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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