I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
