in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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