flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
