awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
