my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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