im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
