i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
