Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
