Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
